nothing in particular

So although I had little trouble with the jet lag when I went to Germany, adjusting back to U.S. time is proving a bitch. Even though I now manage to stay up until at least eleven, I wake up at five.

Sigh.

The nice thing is hearing the early morning birds. It reminds me of chilly mornings at camp, my body waking up a half hour earlier than I had to, in anticipation of actually having to wake up, and I would lie warm in my sleeping bag, and watch the dawn go from gray to gold, and hear the conference of the birds outside the mesh window on the side of the cabin.

Am reading A Happy Death. I'm not sure if works should be published that authors clearly didn't want published. Are we that consumerist, that invasive?

Or just curious?

But I feel like I've stumbled across a locked diary, anyway. So I've been furtively flipping through the pages.

It is necessary for me to leave Connecticut. It is not my home. I am made to feel like a stranger. Strangely, when I had this conversation with my mother, she completely and wholeheartedly agreed that I needed to leave. She didn't even feign resistance.

You think this revelation would have come the moment I came back to find my bed dismantled and stored at my grandfather's house, and all my things boxed up for me. But my family has never been one to do rational things, like warn me that they were boxing up my life, so it didn't really phase me. We've never been warm and fuzzy.

List of things that my family should have informed me of, that I didn't until I discovered them on my own:
-bed removed, boxed up
-outside of house completely changed color (I actually drove by the house I lived in for 18 years because I didn't realize it was mine)
-dad's excessive amount of pain, pre-knowing what the heck was going on
-matt landed on the unfortunate half of the 'was I an accident' coin


I sleep on the floor on a one-inch thick piece of foam. It's actually quite comfortable. I've set it up so there are boxes on each side of me, and then lots of cushy pillows, and I am the deliciously warm filling in the center of the blanket and pillow concoction.

mmmmm.

So today...is again a whole lot of nothing.
Want to go up to Boston.
Want to go down to New York.
Want to write, but I've got work to do.