I've got a smart complex. I have never worried about my smart-ranking as I have this summer. Graduated, no job, planning on applying to editing positions in Philly...and I'm frightened that I'll seem dumb or full of air or vapid in front of people whose opinions actually matter to me because, well, they are doing something I want to do.

I've realized how woefully few life skills I've acquired - by life skills, I suppose I actually mean 'job getting' skills. I was turned down for a teller position at a bank because I 'did not meet the minimum requirements' of the position. While at a job interview at an Italian restaurant, I described a caper as being "like a pea, but not a pea." Stupid. STUPID. Well...kind of funny, too.

But really, where did my confidence go? I AM that smart. I WORK that hard. I have talents and tons of friends telling me I've got them, and tons of not-friends recognizing them. Is it about 'getting lucky'? I don't know.

I've made the decision to move into a room in Kutztown on August first, job or no job. I'll find a way to make it work.

But it would be beautiful to be editing somewhere...