about a girl

I feel very disconnected from life lately. Sort of floating around, not quite in my body, not quite in the moment, saying and doing things that aren't quite what I normally say or do.

I'm thinking about a girl. Well, not a girl in particular, although this stemmed from a girl in particular, but the idea of a girl. It's a very enticing thought - warm arms, soft hair, witty repartee. Evenings in coffee shops. Evenings at home. Listening to stories so similar to mine, being understood, being casual but close. Just being in the moment.

I've almost entirely forgotten what that is like. It is a vastly different feeling than liking a guy. It is more subtle, more demure, sneakier in the way the idea unfolds in my mind, slower in my uptake and cautious in my movement.

It's been so long since I've even considered the option. It's so rare that I actually look at a girl and go, yeah, that would be right for me.

Perhaps now, more than ever, that would be right for me.